CONFESSIONS OF A PERFECTIONIST

                                                 Hi, my name is Chou Gabikiny and I’m a perfectionist.
Most of us have probably seen those addiction recovery commercials where the individuals introduce themselves by stating their names and their flaws. So, I give you again…

                                                  Hi, my name is Chou Gabikiny and I’m a perfectionist.

You might wonder why anyone would think of perfectionism as a flaw when the word itself says “perfection”. Well, here’s my story.

I like things to be perfect. I strive for excellence in all that I do. I go big or go home. If I can’t do it well, I often don’t do it at all.
I’m focused on results. Nothing wrong, right?

Well, here’s the bad part. For years, I lived with an “all or nothing” mentality. I missed out on many things because of fear of failure. I got depressed over unmet goals. I procrastinated until I was sure I could do things perfectly (this one is definitely a work in progress). For many of my teen years and especially in my early twenties, I struggled with low self-esteem because I was too critical of myself. I did not enjoy life to the fullest because my life was not perfect in my eyes.

Fast forward ten years later….

Today my life is more chaotic than it’s ever been. Today I have 3 wonderful children who remind me every day that life is messy. Today I have scars of the past that remind me of some of the painful situations that I’ve been through. My health has been failing for the past 2 years. My house is only clean when we are asleep or away (at least most of the time). My schedule is often unpredictable. My income is unstable.  The perfect picture of disaster for a perfectionist, you would say.

As I mentioned above, I am still working on my perfectionism but I have come to enjoy life more than I did ten years ago. I still have my quirks but I decided that the only way to live life to the fullest was to say good bye to perfectionism, at least to the unhealthy part of it.

 I’m letting go of the need to be perfect. I am still going to have high standards for myself and whatever I do but I am not going to crucify myself if something goes wrong. I now learn from my perceived failures and grow from my experiences. I am not perfect (and will never be), but I strive to be the best version of myself. Each and everyday, I will better myself as a parent, a friend, a counselor, a consultant, and as a person. I still reach for the stars but I keep my feet on the ground.

Today I know what I wish I had known ten years ago. I now know the truth that held the key to my joy: Life is NOT perfect but there is lot of perfection in those imperfect moments.

Today, I love my life and its imperfections. The messy house reminds me that life happens in these four walls that we call our home. The scars of the past remind that I am an overcomer. The unpredictable schedule reminds me to leave some wiggle room for life’s surprises. The unstable income teaches me to be a better steward of the resources that I have been blessed with.
                                      All things considered, my imperfect life is quite perfect.
I would not be the person I am today if I didn’t encounter and 
​process those imperfect parts of who I am and of how I think things should be.

What about you?

Are you holding on to something that actually robs your joy
and becomes a barrier to your sense of fulfillment?
What are you afraid to let go of?
What imperfections are keeping you down?

I don’t know about you but I believe that life is too short to live depressed and suppressed by unmet goals, unrealistic standards, and the discouragement of unrealized dreams.

How can you enjoy those imperfect parts of your life?
(More on that in my next blog post)

Wishing you joy through the imperfect perfection we call life!

                                                                                                                   Your friend, Chou Gabikiny