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By The Grace & Hope Consulting Team  If you want to have healthy relationships in life, boundaries are crucial. However, setting and sticking to boundaries is a skill that can be difficult for some people to master.
When you set healthy boundaries, it means you understand and know what your limits are. It helps you to improve relationships, become happier and better fulfill your needs. The question is, how can you build better boundaries if it isn’t a skill that comes easy to you? Below, you’ll discover some great tips you can follow. 1. Identify your limits It will be difficult to set boundaries if you don’t know what they are. Each of us has different limits we are willing to accept. So, start by writing down your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional limits. Think about what makes you feel stressed and uncomfortable. What are you willing to tolerate and what things are not OK with you? Once you have a list of your limits, you’ll have a better idea of the type of boundaries you need to set. 2. Say no without giving a reason A great tip for setting better boundaries is to start saying no without providing a reason. Have you noticed that when you want to say no to something, you feel like you need to give an excuse? Often, this leads us to make up an excuse, leaving us feeling guilty afterwards for lying. Learning to say no without giving a reason is much healthier. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for not wanting to do or accept something. This may be a tough tip to follow, but you’ll be surprised how free you feel when you start saying no without explanation. 3. Give yourself permission The main things that set us back from creating boundaries are self-doubt, fear, and guilt. It could be that you are worried about the other person’s response. Or maybe you feel like you should be able to cope with doing certain things, so don’t feel comfortable saying no. Give yourself permission to set boundaries. Realize that setting boundaries is healthy. Not only do boundaries contribute towards better relationships with others, but they also build up your self-worth too. 4. Step back from toxic relationships Many of us have a toxic relationship of some kind. Whether it’s an unhealthy relationship with our friends or family, stepping back is one of the best ways to build up boundaries. If a relationship is no longer serving you, taking a step back is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. It is never selfish or cruel to put yourself first in a toxic relationship. If anything, it is necessary for your happiness and wellbeing. These are some of the best ways to build better boundaries. Once you have firm boundaries in place, your life will be much happier. You will start to feel more empowered and in control of your life. It isn’t just your right to make choices that best serve you, it is also a necessity.
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 Click here to listen to this articleIs inner conflict holding you back? When we struggle with inner conflict, it is basically a battle between our emotions and thoughts. If a situation doesn’t turn out how we expected, it can release feelings of anger, stress, fear, and frustration.
There are many different types of inner conflict. You may know you need to end a relationship, but you keep talking yourself out of it. You may know you need to adopt a healthier diet but eating the foods you love is the only thing that gives you pleasure right now. Whatever the inner conflict is, it could be holding you back from a happy, healthy life. Discover 5 ways to address inner conflicts to be happier and more fulfilled. 1. Identify and confront inner conflicts You’re going to find it hard to address your inner conflict if you aren’t fully aware of it. However, identifying and being aware of inner conflict isn’t always easy. After all, it is much easier to ignore confrontation and the things that make us uncomfortable. The trouble is, when you ignore your inner conflicts, they simply get worse over time. So, start by writing down what you want and the things that are holding you back. Then, delve into your inner conflict and try and understand where it comes from. For example, is it coming from a place of fear or comfort? Often, we stay stuck in routines because it is our mind’s way of protecting us. 2. Balance your rationale and emotions To address inner conflict, you need to be able to balance rationale and emotion. If you tend to focus more on your emotional needs and desires, your rational thinking will be compromised. Similarly, if you were to focus only on being rational, your emotional needs would suffer. To make the best choices, learn how to balance reasons and emotions. 3. Avoid making rash decisions When you are going through an emotional time, be sure not to make any rash decisions. Think about what is best for you, without forgetting about the impact your decision will have on others. It’s easy to make rash decisions when you are dealing with inner conflict. However, staying calm and really thinking things through is going to lead to the best decisions. 4. Think about what you really want What is it you really want? Often our inner conflict comes from not doing the things we desire. If you are trying to please everyone else, you are only going to end up feeling miserable. So, if you feel like you aren’t being true to yourself, take a step back. Think about what you truly want and then focus your energy on that. 5. Practice meditation Finally, meditation is a great way to address inner conflict. It gives you the peace and mental clarity to reflect on your life and the things you need to change. It may take a while to get used to it, but you’ll find great beginner videos online to help. These are some of the best ways to address inner conflict. If you want to live a happy and fulfilled life, dealing with your inner critic is essential.  Click here to listen to this articleDo you constantly find yourself too wrapped up in your imperfections? If so, it could be getting in the way of a happy, fulfilled life. Each of us has imperfections. However, many fight against their flaws; harshly criticizing themselves for not being perfect. There is a lot of pressure in society today to be a perfect person. Unfortunately, this just isn’t possible so most end up feeling like a failure or develop feelings of self-hatred. If you want to learn to love yourself, embracing your imperfections is key. Here, we’ll look at why it’s important to embrace your imperfections and the benefits it can deliver. 1. Your Positive Imperfections When you start to embrace your imperfections, you’ll start to see them more positively. Believe it or not, there are some positives to imperfections. For example, if you suffer with anxiety, you may beat yourself up for not being able to do certain things that come easy to others. However, a positive of anxiety is that it often makes you more empathetic. That is a great trait to have in an often-cruel world. Flaws are also considered more attractive than you might realize. So, start to look for the positives in your flaws and realize that everyone has them. 2. Feel Free When you are so caught up on your imperfections, it can make you feel trapped under constant pressure. By embracing them, it helps to set you free. Nothing is more freeing than living your life without the constant weight of your own expectations. Once you accept your flaws, you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted. 3. Focus on Who You Are When you are so focused on your imperfections, it can stop you being who you truly are. It causes you to chase an ideal that you aren’t ever going to live up to. However, when you let go of your imperfections, your authentic self will start to shine through. So, if you feel like you have lost who you wanted to be, start letting go of your need to be perfect. 4. Living Healthier Living your life constantly focused on your imperfections isn’t healthy. It impacts your perspective on things, causing you to make choices you wouldn’t necessarily make if you weren’t so caught up on your flaws. Constantly stressing over the things that you are not, can actually have a negative impact on your health. So, if you want to improve your overall health and wellbeing, you’ll want to start embracing your imperfections. These are just some of the reasons why you need to learn to embrace your flaws. While it may be difficult, with practice you can start to think more positively about your imperfections. Remember, nobody in life is perfect, not even you and you are never going to be. The sooner you accept this and know that it’s OK, the better your life will become.  One of the most profound moments in literature is in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. Alice is walking and comes to a fork in the road. She’s not sure which way she should go, so she asks the Cheshire Cat, “Which road should I take?”
The cat asks her in return, “Well where are you going?” “I don’t know” Alice replies. “Then it does not really matter,” the cat tells her, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” An indispensable part of life is to know where you are going. If you don’t, you will find yourself wandering down any road that presents itself to you. When you have no clear destination, the decisions along the way don’t matter. This is why the fastest way to reinvent yourself is to establish a destination—or, in other words, to establish a list of personal goals. Personal Goals Give You Direction Moving forward is good; moving in a specific direction is better. Personal goals put a clear direction to your movement. This is why personal goals are vital to any personal reinvention. Most of us are familiar with feeling constantly busy, on the move, and booked with appointments—yet nothing seems to get accomplished. Personal goals give you a way to organize and direct all your movement into a specific direction so that you can accomplish what you want. Personal Goals Put You in The Driver’s Seat The essence of reinventing yourself is taking control of your life. Personal goals allow you to be in the driver’s seat. Goals allow you to take control of your time, energy and effort. Instead of just reacting to things that happen into your life, you take control. You decide where your energy is spent. Nothing will help you reinvent your life like taking ownership of it via your personal goals. Goals Inspire During the Mundane Life is not a movie. We don’t experience a continual stream of magical experiences, one after another. There is a lot of dullness stuffed in-between the highlights of life. That’s OK. This is where our personal goals rise to assist us. Personal goals can inspire us by reminding us of the bigger picture in life. We can compare that to what we are currently engaged in at any point in time. In other words, personal goals help frame how the smaller aspects of life play into the larger mosaic. Reflecting on how your day-to-day life fits in with your overall goals can thereby give you daily inspiration. Having this is pivotal in reinventing yourself Goals Help Organize What Is Important On a day-to-day basis everyone is bombarded with choices. How do you decided when to say yes and when to say no? With personal goals, that decision becomes easy. You can ask yourself: Does this activity align with my personal goals? Does this help me achieve my personal goals? The answer to those questions can help you decide what to invest your time in. It gives you a way to identify what is important to you. Goals Allow Us to Enjoy Life Ultimately, life is to be enjoyed, and nothing is more enjoyable than success. Personal goals not only define what success will look like for you, but also will give you the road map to achieving it. What many people fail to realize is that personal goals will also allow you to enjoy life even when the goals are not accomplished. The ability to learn, progress, and develop yourself when you have not accomplished your goals will bring you an enjoyable personal maturity. These are the many ways that personal goals can bring a greater degree of purpose and fulfillment to your life. Personal goals are a non-negotiable ingredient in any personal reinvention project. Thankfully you can start with something simple. Start your journey by making your first personal goal: A goal to develop a complete list of personal goals. And now you off!  Take a walk into any bookstore and you will quickly get lost in the sea of self-help books at your disposal. You may suddenly find yourself struggling to tread water in this vast body of knowledge attempting to impart the newest and most useful skills to you. Where do you start and where does it end?
Well, what better place to start developing life skills than in the arena of… you! There are some skills that every person should acquire and other skill that everyone needs to have. Life skills that are all about you fall into the need category. Instead of just keeping your head above water, ride the wave of these 5 key life skills that are all about you. 1. Stress Relief Everyone is intimately acquainted with stress. Stress seems to collect as naturally as dust and likewise has an accumulating effect. The National Institute of Health states that chronic stress can lead to suppressed sleep, decreased immune response, headaches, muscle pain, and much more. Stress can have a significant toll on you both physically and mentally. While stress is unavoidable, relieving stress is a skill that can be developed. Identifying what opens the valve of your stress hose is the first step. Stress can be relieved a variety of ways and figuring out what your stress relieving methods are can be fun and exciting. Some stress relieving methods to try can include: exercise, social interaction, reading, music, sleeping, or meditation. Whatever form your stress relief comes in, the key is to understand how that functions in your daily life. Next, develop the ability to detect when your stress levels are reaching their maximum. Being able to sense when the stress tank is getting full and emptying it before it overflows will help you avoid many unnecessary struggles and hardships. This seemingly little, but actually significant skill, will allow you to avoid a lot of clean up. 2. Self-Motivation TED Talks are brief 10-20 min videos of expert speakers discussing a variety of topics from a wide range of industries. These videos are extremely popular due to their motivational and inspiring themes, but these extremal mediums are typically only catalyst for a brief time, while self-motivation is a skill that can be developed and has a substantially longer lasting effect. Self-motivation is a skill that can be developed by identify your strengths and areas of passion. Focusing and putting your efforts into the areas that you are naturally good at and enjoy creates an environment for consistent success. Nothing increases self-motivation like consistent success. And knowing that you have the ability to put yourself in a position to have consistent success increases the self-motivating cycle. 3. Receiving Feedback Feedback is typically from an external source and comes in a variety of forms. Sometimes the feedback is sought, many times it isn’t. Yet the way we receive feedback is a skill that is all about you. There are certain characteristics that come with receiving feedback and it’s these characteristics that can be developed. Characteristics like: being prepared to receive and expecting to receive feedback. Also, being open to and interested in receiving feedback all enhance your ability to benefit from it. Likewise, our perspective on feedback, is a skill that can be further developed. Feedback is simply information. Information that is processed and sorted into helpful or unhelpful categories. Perspective allows us to properly view both the good and the bad. Feedback ultimately is like a pair of shoes. If you think the shoe fits, then wear it. If it doesn’t fit, then don’t wear them. 4. Apologizing “I am sorry,” might be the 3 most difficult words that you will ever have to say. Yet, apologizing is a skill that is all about you. Yes, apologizing helps rectify the situation with the other person, but it not just about them. Apologizing releases you from any emotional burdens you may be holding onto. Developing this skill can have a greater impact on yourself than those around you. 5. Living A Life Of Gratitude This last skill might possibly be the most difficult and yet the most critical life skill that is all about you. This is due to the fact that the soil that gratitude works is internal more than external. In order to develop this skill, it requires that you practice it daily and with intention. Develop this skill by identify 3 specific things that you are thankful for each day. The key here is to be specific. For example, you might be thankful for your job, but what specifically about your job. Maybe it’s the flexible hours, or the type of work that you do, or a specific person that you work with. Being specific about your gratitude makes it real and tangible. Performing it every day makes it a lifestyle. It’s All About You! At times, it may feel uncomfortable to talk about and develop skills that are about you. But there should be no hesitation and difficulty with this because no one is going to put in the work on yourself more than you. So, don’t be hesitant or afraid. But dig-in, achieve, and master the 5 skills that are all about you.  Who doesn’t dream of a better future for themselves? We wish that we could leave our humdrum job and instead sit on a beach to paint. Life would just be better if we could move to the country and live off the land.
The thing is, every one of us has a dream, they’re all different, but one thing many of us share in common is that we bury those dreams. At some point, we decide to take the well-traveled road and put aside our ‘childish dreams.’ We give up a bit of ourselves when we do that. Think of reinvention as a re-brand. It’s something that major companies do. Coca-Cola has changed up their branding, a couple of times in recent years. Just as Richard Branson has reinvented himself over the years to become the businessman he is today. Before Jim Carrey made his acting dreams come true, he wrote himself a massive check. He decided that if he could dream it, then he could also do it. One of the biggest things that hold us back from truly pursuing our dreams and reinventing ourselves is fear. That doesn’t mean that it’s too late to reinvent yourself. The first step in doing that, though, is identifying the fears that have been holding you back and eliminating them. There are three massive fears that often hold us back. 1. The Fear of Failure There is no one on this planet that enjoys failure. No one is into losing, no one sets out to do less than their best and lose. The problem with that mindset, though, is that we are too scared to take risks. While there are adrenaline junkies who pay people to throw them out of a plane, the idea of failure is paralyzing. Unfortunately, a lot of us really care about what others think about us. Failure is only temporary, though. You should think of it as a stepping stone. So, how do you eliminate your fear of failure? Look to the lesson in every failure and learn how to use it to your advantage. You can better yourself through failure. So, instead of seeing it as the end of the world – start seeing it as a learning experience. You might fail more than you succeed, but the more you put yourself out there the greater your chance of increasing success is. 2. The Wrong Mindset What is your inner voice telling you? Is it a positive force in your life? Or, is it whispering negativity in your ear and hating on your every action? That negative voice is fueling the wrong mindset and it’s that mindset that is keeping you tucked safely in your comfort zone. One of the best ways to eliminate this fear is to practice overriding those negative thoughts with positive affirmations. It’s all about drowning out that negativity and replacing it with the right mindset. 3. No Knowledge Sometimes the biggest fear that holds us back is a lack of knowledge. We don’t know what to do or where to go to make our visions a reality. The best way to deal with this fear is to find yourself a mentor. Look for someone who works in the field that you want to be in or does the thing you want to do. You can learn from them. If it’s a specific thing you want to reinvent about yourself, then find someone who is good at it. You can use social media to find people that are outside of your circle and build your network. Or, find a coaching program.  You probably know someone with amazing self-discipline. They’re that person that manages to choke down a kale shake every morning after they went on a 5-mile run before your first alarm went off. They are incredibly efficient, they work hard, and seem to have endless amounts of energy. Then, there’s you.
You play games on your phone and look up at the television in between levels. Somehow, you have successfully managed to scoop snacks into your mouth at the same time. You’re not lazy, you are busy so when you have downtime you want to relax. What about your dreams, though? How will you accomplish them if you have no self-discipline? You can build that self-discipline. It’s crucial to your success, that goes for both your personal and professional life. Here’s how! 1. Acknowledge Weakness You should never let your weaknesses stand in your way, however, you should acknowledge them. It could be that social media is why you procrastinate or that pretzels are your biggest diet weakness. Either way, to improve your self-discipline you need to acknowledge what is most likely to derail you. 2. Plan You don’t wake up and magically find yourself possessed by self-discipline. You need to build a strategy. It doesn’t matter whether you want to build new and good habits or eradicate bad habits. The key is that you create a plan that will outline exactly what steps you need to take to achieve the goal. 3. Remove Temptation It would be nice if we were disciplined enough to resist our greatest temptations. However, if you know you’ve never met a bag of pretzels you didn’t love, then don’t keep them in the house. If it’s social media that messes with your day, remove the app from your phone or tablet. There are plenty of ways you can remove temptation, no matter what it is. Don’t be afraid to turn off the router and go without the internet until you achieve what you need to. 4. Discomfort Humans naturally try to avoid any discomfort or pain. However, this will only make you more unlikely to deal with any distress life throws at you. Resilience is a really important skill to possess and there’s only one way to do this. You can’t dismiss uncomfortable emotions, you have to experience them, whether it’s loneliness, boredom, sadness or frustration. Negative emotions are part of building self-discipline. 5. Visualize Sometimes it’s easier to practice self-discipline when you’re capable of visualizing the long-term rewards that your behavior will bring. If you give in to temptation today you will experience a short-term boost in happiness, but think about the gratification that will come if you resist. Imagine yourself as you meet those goals and gain those rewards. This will help you exercise your self-discipline on a daily basis. 6. Recovery There will be days that you find easier than others. When you experience a slip-up, whether it’s a treat you shouldn’t have had or a workout that you skipped, recovery is key. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip. Recover from your mistakes and keep going. Acknowledge them, but move on. Self-discipline is what is standing between you and achieving your goals. You don’t need to steep in jealousy at the people you know who possess self-discipline, though. You can use the tips above to increase your own self-discipline. Keep practicing and you will improve yourself. When you improve your self-discipline skills you can start to improve your life by pushing hard to achieve your goals. Now all you need to decide is what goals you want to pursue – you’ll need to start with your core values.  We often make our way to the idea of reinvention after experiencing frustration and discontentment with our lives. Sometimes there’s a sense of longing to do something different, to find a new way to live and to be. This kind of reinvention evolves from the human need to grow and to change. Change comes about because there has to be more to human existence than simply existing and most people sense that over time. Sometimes in the early stages of reinvention, we think about what benefits we might receive from building a new self. Perhaps we just want to be free of a stale, confining and suffocating way of life, but that might not seem enough to us right then. Other than liberating yourself from a life with no change and no growth, what other benefits does reinvention offer?
Of course, a huge benefit is a more authentic and fulfilling life. After all, that’s the first purpose of going through this transformation process. More importantly, you learn how to be adaptable in the face of new challenges and that is a life skill that is useful in many ways. You learn how to cope with new problems and new situations. Once you've been through one reinvention cycle, you’ll be ready to do it again when you feel the need. You may never decide to reinvent yourself again, but that’s a matter of choice. You’ll know how to do it. That’s a life-changing benefit all on its own!  People reinvent themselves for as many different reasons as there are different people. However, reinvention is usually driven by a few prominent emotions: boredom, restlessness, dissatisfaction, even fear. Sometimes reinvention rises out of personal crises. If you’re looking for ways to bring about self-renewal, we can help you find them.
Proactive Reinvention: Purposefully Forging A New You There are several kinds of reinvention, but we’re looking at proactive Reinvention. Proactive reinvention can be the toughest of the three. In proactive reinvention, we’re at a place that’s safe and comfortable at that moment. Major life changes aren’t immediately required. We might even be able to keep on coasting just as we are, but that’s not a satisfying place for us anymore. Even though reinvention can be scary, we still have the desire to do it. Reinvention seems better than where we are. Maybe we’re simply tired and unfulfilled in our lives, our work, relationships, etc. Sometimes all three categories cry out for change. Proactive reinvention has the advantage of not being urgent in most cases. You can be deliberate in your choices. 1. Ask Yourself “What do I need in my life now? What do I want? What’s missing?” To answer this question, we must dig deep, and it’s not a quick process in most cases. Proactive reinvention tends to arise out of a sense of dissatisfaction about where we are in life or even who we are. We may only know that we want something different. 2. Identify Your Passions What do you value? What gets your engine running? If you could make a living at a hobby, what would it be? Getting a handle on what you enjoy and what you love to do, how you love to feel, and whom you love to be around lets you set some big, broad goals. In all cases and steps of reinvention, ask yourself questions like:
3. Explore Your Immediate Options Immediate options generally include things like your skill set, your finances, your contacts and social links in life. These can be springboards to the new you. Think of these as assets you already must dedicate to your renewal. 4. Get a teacher, mentor or sounding board If you’ve got a general idea of what you want to do, you can start homing in on sources of information and expertise. Those sources can be people who are knowledgeable or experience with the subject matter, profession, hobby, whatever it is that’s appealing to you. If you know you want to reinvent yourself, but haven’t got a lock on a destination yet, there’s no worry. Many people go through the renewal process without any hint of a fixed destination or end-point in mind when they start off. That said, it’s good to have someone around who can give you ideas, feedback, and support that’s related to your journey. 5. Consider the Unknown The unknown is scary, but it can also lead to some great discoveries. There are two big sources of it, too. There’s the unknown out there in the world external to us, and the unknown inside you. When you change your life, there’s bound to be internal changes that you didn’t plan for. If planning were all it took to reinvent one’s life, it’d be much simpler. Let the possibility of change flourish in you. If you try hard to hang on to everything that you’ve got now, that you are now, nothing will change. 6. Learn to live with fear while always going forward Reinvention requires embracing uncertainty. It means getting comfortable with discomfort. Doing new things, trying new ways to be is scary! Allowing fear to stop us from changing is always the biggest block to proactive reinvention. Always. Unlike reactive reinvention, when you must make big changes or face even worse situations than self-renewal, proactive reinvention seems optional when we get scared, so we have the option to retreat into safety. Safety is great. However, clinging to the safety of the familiar ensures you will never reinvent yourself. Regeneration of the self requires living with fear, too. Consider as an example the situation of leaving one career for another, more ideal career. Common wisdom says you must have another job before leaving your current job. That wisdom in this situation kills any chance of getting that ideal job. It’s very hard, maybe impossible, to prepare for a completely new profession while working a full-time job. A dentist who leaves her job for another job as a dentist has changed locales but has not at all reinvented herself. Making a jump from the known into the unknown safely, with no risks, doesn’t happen. There is always some element of risk. Learning to live with risk in order to get something you dearly want is one of the biggest rewards of reinventing yourself. |
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