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Blog: Tips & Tools for Human Flourishing

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Tips for Building Better Boundaries

3/1/2023

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By The Grace & Hope Consulting Team
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If you want to have healthy relationships in life, boundaries are crucial. However, setting and sticking to boundaries is a skill that can be difficult for some people to master.

When you set healthy boundaries, it means you understand and know what your limits are. It helps you to improve relationships, become happier and better fulfill your needs. The question is, how can you build better boundaries if it isn’t a skill that comes easy to you? Below, you’ll discover some great tips you can follow.

1. Identify your limits
It will be difficult to set boundaries if you don’t know what they are. Each of us has different limits we are willing to accept. So, start by writing down your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional limits. 
Think about what makes you feel stressed and uncomfortable. What are you willing to tolerate and what things are not OK with you? Once you have a list of your limits, you’ll have a better idea of the type of boundaries you need to set.


2. Say no without giving a reason
A great tip for setting better boundaries is to start saying no without providing a reason. Have you noticed that when you want to say no to something, you feel like you need to give an excuse? Often, this leads us to make up an excuse, leaving us feeling guilty afterwards for lying. 

Learning to say no without giving a reason is much healthier. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for not wanting to do or accept something. This may be a tough tip to follow, but you’ll be surprised how free you feel when you start saying no without explanation. 

3. Give yourself permission
The main things that set us back from creating boundaries are self-doubt, fear, and guilt. It could be that you are worried about the other person’s response. Or maybe you feel like you should be able to cope with doing certain things, so don’t feel comfortable saying no.
Give yourself permission to set boundaries. Realize that setting boundaries is healthy. Not only do boundaries contribute towards better relationships with others, but they also build up your self-worth too.
 
4. 
Step back from toxic relationships
Many of us have a toxic relationship of some kind. Whether it’s an unhealthy relationship with our friends or family, stepping back is one of the best ways to build up boundaries. If a relationship is no longer serving you, taking a step back is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. It is never selfish or cruel to put yourself first in a toxic relationship. If anything, it is necessary for your happiness and wellbeing.

These are some of the best ways to build better boundaries. Once you have firm boundaries in place, your life will be much happier. You will start to feel more empowered and in control of your life. It isn’t just your right to make choices that best serve you, it is also a necessity. 

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Identifying and Eliminating Your Fears

1/13/2023

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By Chou Hallegra
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Who doesn’t dream of a better future for themselves? We wish that we could leave our humdrum job and instead sit on a beach to paint. Life would just be better if we could move to the country and live off the land. 

The thing is, every one of us has a dream, they’re all different, but one thing many of us share in common is that we bury those dreams. At some point, we decide to take the well-traveled road and put aside our ‘childish dreams.’ We give up a bit of ourselves when we do that. 

Think of reinvention as a re-brand. It’s something that major companies do. Coca-Cola has changed up their branding, a couple of times in recent years. Just as Richard Branson has reinvented himself over the years to become the businessman he is today. 

Before Jim Carrey made his acting dreams come true, he wrote himself a massive check. He decided that if he could dream it, then he could also do it. One of the biggest things that hold us back from truly pursuing our dreams and reinventing ourselves is fear. 

That doesn’t mean that it’s too late to reinvent yourself. The first step in doing that, though, is identifying the fears that have been holding you back and eliminating them. There are three massive fears that often hold us back. 

1. The Fear of Failure
There is no one on this planet that enjoys failure. No one is into losing, no one sets out to do less than their best and lose. The problem with that mindset, though, is that we are too scared to take risks. While there are adrenaline junkies who pay people to throw them out of a plane, the idea of failure is paralyzing. Unfortunately, a lot of us really care about what others think about us. Failure is only temporary, though. You should think of it as a stepping stone. 

So, how do you eliminate your fear of failure? Look to the lesson in every failure and learn how to use it to your advantage. You can better yourself through failure. So, instead of seeing it as the end of the world – start seeing it as a learning experience. You might fail more than you succeed, but the more you put yourself out there the greater your chance of increasing success is. 

2. The Wrong Mindset
What is your inner voice telling you? Is it a positive force in your life? Or, is it whispering negativity in your ear and hating on your every action? That negative voice is fueling the wrong mindset and it’s that mindset that is keeping you tucked safely in your comfort zone. One of the best ways to eliminate this fear is to practice overriding those negative thoughts with positive affirmations. It’s all about drowning out that negativity and replacing it with the right mindset. 

3. No Knowledge
Sometimes the biggest fear that holds us back is a lack of knowledge. We don’t know what to do or where to go to make our visions a reality. The best way to deal with this fear is to find yourself a mentor. Look for someone who works in the field that you want to be in or does the thing you want to do. You can learn from them. If it’s a specific thing you want to reinvent about yourself, then find someone who is good at it. You can use social media to find people that are outside of your circle and build your network. Or, find a coaching program. 


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5 Tips To Better Handle Holiday Stress

12/13/2022

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By Chou Hallegra
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The holiday season is an opportunity to spend time with family and friends, to take some time off work, or even escape for a winter getaway. For all the joy and fun, though, so comes the stress. 

The expectations of social events, gift shopping, and entertaining guests can become too much for even the most festive types. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association 8 out of 10 people expect to experience an increase in stress over the holiday season. 

With stress comes a greater risk of anxiety and depression, and reports from the Mayo Clinic show that depression is frequently an unwelcome guest over the holidays. All is not lost however, there are many ways you can minimize your stress and anxiety to allow you to truly enjoy the season. 

1.Set A Budget
Shopping can be fun, but spending money isn’t always easy, and Americans spend almost a $1,000 every holiday season on gifts alone. You can minimize the damage by setting a budget and sticking to it. 

A lot of the stress that we experience during the holidays is due to financial pressure and the Mayo Clinic suggests that setting a budget can be beneficial to your stress levels. Work out how much you can afford to spend on food and gifts, and stick to it. 

2.Exercise 
The American Heart Association wants you to stay active all the time, but it’s extremely important to keep that up during the holidays. Any activity or exercise you can fit in will help reduce your stress and elevate your mood. It’s going to stimulate endorphin production and trigger a positive feeling in your body. 

You might be busy, but if you can find time to exercise for half an hour three times a week, you will feel better. You can go walking or jogging, swimming or biking, play sports, and find time for aerobics. Also, find an accountability partner. I’m working on this step so if you are too and want to link arms, send me an email at chou@graceandhopeconsulting.com and we can do this together.

3. Take It Easy
The American Psychological Association reminds us that we need to take time for ourselves. There are parties and gatherings and we are constantly surrounded by people. It’s great to be with the ones we love and laugh about the old days. 

You shouldn’t miss all those great times, but what you should be careful of is setting unrealistic expectations. You can’t do everything, and it’s okay to take time out for yourself, even if it’s just 15 minutes. If you do a whole lot of hosting, make sure you delegate- whether you ask everyone to bring a different dish, or you rope in the family to take on certain tasks.  

4. Stay Smart
The holiday season is a time of indulgence, but as the Mayo Clinic directs- it doesn’t mean you should abandon your healthy ways. There’s no need for a free for all that will just add to your stress. 

Enjoy yourself, but try having healthy snacks before holiday gatherings so you don’t over snack while you’re out. Make sure that you’re getting plenty of sleep, as you are more likely to overindulge after a poor night’s sleep. 

5. Choose Your Battles
We all have someone in our circle that rubs us the wrong way. It’s only natural- not everyone can always get along. Allowing someone else to get under your skin, though, is only going to ruin your holiday and increase your stress level. Learn to pick your battles, and don’t take the bait.
 
The Mayo Clinic suggests that if you have a real problem with someone, set it aside and save it for another day. Even the calmest people can lose their cool during the holidays. 

Bottom Line
Self-care is a conscious choice and this is even truer during times of more stress, such as the holiday season. Make sure to take the time and create a deliberate plan! Remember, the holidays are supposed to be a time of fun, family, and relaxation, don’t let stress interfere with this great time of year.

As always, prioritize wellbeing and the rest will flow. Happy Holidays!
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How to Build Trust with Your Child

2/26/2022

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by Chou Hallegra, Certified Family Trauma Professional
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A baby or toddler always trusts their parent, but as your child grows, they may not seem to trust your decisions and judgement anymore. It is a sad fact that some children seem to love their parents less as they get older. The best remedy for you, as the parent, is to lay new foundations for trust. 

Let’s look at how you can build trust with a child of any age. 

Children learn from their parents, so it makes sense to actually show your child what trust means, along with how to earn it. There is no point in getting mad at your young child when they won’t eat their broccoli, when you don’t eat it either. All this does is send the wrong message. 

Next on your list is to ask yourself if you are really listening to what your child is trying to tell you. Do you interrupt them before they finish talking? Do you sympathize with their situation and show them that you understand and care? The minute your child knows that you listen and care, they will feel more comfortable when it comes to discussing more personal details with you. 

Always be honest with your child. This will help you form a bond with them that will last a lifetime. If you are a single parent, tell them why and where their parent is. Don’t make up stories and half-truths. They will only come back to haunt you at some point. Take the time to explain things in a way that is appropriate to their age. You don’t want to scare them either. 

Next, you should never break your promises to your child. This isn’t as always quite as easy as it sounds though. Life does get in the way and even the best laid plans need to be changed. When this happens, explain the reason why to them and then reschedule your time or activity together. 
If you start promising to attend their school sports event and then don’t. Your child will eventually stop asking you to come. As you always break your promise. 

Of course, you will need to discipline your child. These days, that could mean taking away their cell phone, not allowing them to play video games or chat online. When you take something away, or even if you threaten too, then it is vital that you follow through. Sticking to what you have said helps build trust with your child. 
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Parenting is not an easy job at all. The best way to build a good relationship between you and your child is to work hard at developing your child’s trust and respect.

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The Power of Love and Trust for Families

2/19/2022

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By Chou Hallegra, Certified Family Trauma Professional
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How much credence do you put into trust in your everyday dealings? For such a small word, trust is extremely powerful. It can build or break relationships that are beyond repair. 
When it comes to your family, love and trust go hand in hand. All children love their parents from birth. The trust aspect isn’t always so easy to maintain. When your child’s trust is lost, their love begins to diminish as well. 
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If you want to maintain a healthy relationship not just with your child, but with your family, you need to know that they trust you. Think about the consequences this might have as they turn from children into adults. If they can’t trust their own parents, how can they trust and respect what the world has to offer them? 

One thing you need to keep in mind is that a child’s understanding of the word “trust” may be different to yours. To instill trust in your child, you need to show them that they can trust you, no matter what. 
Always talk with your children in an open manner. Don’t try to sneak around just to see what they are doing. Sneaky and suspicious parents are only going to raise sneaky and suspicious children. 
Your young toddler is going to trust that you are there to pick them up when they fall, while learning to walk. They trust that you will feed them and change them. This means that even from such an early age, your child unconditionally loves and trust you, so why does this change? 

Things change as your child grows because of the actions they see and hear around them. If you constantly break promises and don’t keep your word, your child will do the same. For example, if you told your child they can’t have a cookie because they didn’t pick up their toys. Then 10 minutes later, you relent. You have just shown your child that you don’t keep to your word. Repeating this pattern regularly will break the bond of trust. 

Not lying to your children is another important factor. While sometimes it is necessary to cover up something small, for their own sake, telling outright lies is not going to help your relationship. 
Always be an approachable parent. Don’t be the type that always gets mad over the smallest mishap. If you do, then your child won’t trust that they can confide in you or ask for your advice. If you constantly get mad, then your child just won’t bother you anymore. 

Children learn from their parents, which is why it is vital that you always keep your word, are honest, calm, and understanding. This is the best approach for growing that bond of love and trust between you and your family.


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How To Protect Yourself From Substance Abuse During These Times Of Crisis

9/6/2021

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By Chou Hallegra, MA, CFTP, CCFP, CGCS
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There’s not a single person in America that hasn’t been impacted by the current pandemic and resulting quarantine somehow. These past several months have been characterized by loneliness, boredom, stress, and anxiety. That’s why many Americans have turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the crisis and simply pass the time. Protecting yourself from substance abuse during these times of crisis is extremely important.

Dump the Alcohol

Alcohol sales have skyrocketed since the beginning of the pandemic. In research compiled by Nielsen, alcohol sales have been up 21% at liquor stores and 234% via online retailers. While drinking alcohol is less dangerous when done in moderation, there is a concern if you struggle with addiction or self-control. 

Access to alcohol in your home combined with boredom and cravings may lead you to drink in excess. At least until the pandemic is over and things are back to normal, it’s best to dump the alcohol you do have and stop yourself from buying more.

Spend Carefully

Both alcohol and drugs can be draining financially, which might keep you from buying them in the first place. Unfortunately, seeing a few extra zeros in your bank account due to unemployment checks or stimulus checks might make obtaining drugs and alcohol easier than ever. 

According to the American Medical Association, opioid overdoses have been on the rise since the pandemic began in March. Though you might be excited about your extra funds right now, be sure to spend it responsibly, get your bills paid, and put the rest into savings.

Find a Coping Strategy

Drugs and alcohol are often a focal point of parties and large gatherings, but substance abuse often goes hand-in-hand with inadequate coping mechanisms. Even casual substance use can turn into an addiction, primarily if you rely on substances to ease your emotional pain or “escape” the here and now. By keeping yourself from sinking into substance abuse, it’s best to find a healthy coping strategy to ease your mind and stress. That might include getting exercise, meditating, reading a book, going for a walk, or learning to play an instrument.

Keep Lines of Communication Open

One of the most debilitating aspects of this pandemic and quarantine has been the impact on social relationships. The loneliness and social isolation may cause severe boredom and the desire to “escape” to feel less lonely. Many times, this is done through substance abuse. 

The best thing you can do when you feel lonely is to reach out to those you can lean on. That may include your best friend, your parents, your siblings, or even your coworker. Try to stick to a consistent contact schedule through text messages, phone calls, or video calls.

Set Goals

It might seem like this pandemic will never end, which may make you feel as if your life is going nowhere. When you feel like you’ve lost direction and purpose, you may turn to drugs and alcohol to get you through the day. 

Giving yourself hope and prioritizing your mental health is vital, so it’s a great idea to set goals for yourself. They should be both short-term and long-term goals. Set goals for yourself during the pandemic, like exercising five times a week, and for when the pandemic finally ends, such as going back to college.

During these times of crisis, the mental health of Americans has been very much at risk. Being unable to cope with the current situation and shutting yourself off from the outside world can make you more susceptible to substance abuse. If you’re struggling with substance abuse, it’s best to reach out to a counselor or therapist to get a treatment plan in order.


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5 Natural Ways To Calm Anxiety

8/9/2021

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By Chou Hallegra, MA, CFTP, CCFP, CGCS
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According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, over 18% of the American population struggle with some form of anxiety at any given time. Coping with stress can be complicated, especially since there’s no single treatment that works for everyone. So, let’s talk about five completely natural ways that you can calm your anxiety today.

1. Meditation & Deep Breathing

Anxiety attacks and persistent anxiety typically come with the same few symptoms. You may notice that your heart rate is twice as fast as expected, that your blood pressure has skyrocketed, and that thoughts are racing through your mind at lightning speed. 

Meditation and deep breathing techniques can help you to relieve both the mental and physical symptoms of anxiety. Concentrating on your breathing will bring you back to the present moment and slow your thoughts. And, according to Harvard Health, meditation can also reduce your blood pressure, lower your heart rate, and improve your heart health.

So, start with a brief 2-minute deep breathing meditation session and begin lengthening your sessions as you become accustomed to meditation.

2. Aromatherapy

The essential oils industry in America is booming these days, but these oils might be able to do a little more than make your home smell pleasant. Simply smelling these essential oils through aromatherapy can potentially reduce your symptoms of stress and anxiety.

And, research has revealed that essential oils like lemon, lavender, and rose are most effective for anxious people. All you have to do is squeeze a few drops of your favorite into an essential oil diffuser or in the bathtub and give yourself some time to relax and enjoy the scents!

Note: Carrier oils must mix with some essential oils must be combined if you’re planning to use them on your skin. Be sure to read the label before using your essential oil.

3. Intense Exercise

The last thing you want to do when you’re anxious is strap on your running shoes and go for a run, but it might just be the best thing for relieving your anxiety during the moment. That’s because exercise can help you naturally improve your mood, get rid of pent-up energy, and help you sleep much better at night (great if you have insomnia).

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America states that just about any exercise style can be successful when it comes to calming anxiety.  Go for long walks along the canal, lift weights in your living room, follow along with a yoga video, or even play with your dog.

Exercise is excellent for treating and preventing anxiety, so do your best to get at least 150 minutes of exercise each week.

4. Laugh & Smile

When your mind is racing, and negative thoughts have taken over, it’s hard to stay positive and express emotions like happiness or joy. But according to the Mayo Clinic, laughter can improve your mood and relieve the physical tension in your body as well. 

So, when you’re feeling anxious, do something that makes you smile. That can be anything from watching your favorite TV show clip on YouTube to spending time playing with your young nieces and nephews in the yard.

5. Limit Caffeine Intake

Have you ever had a few too many cups of coffee (or energy drinks) and gotten the jitters? Maybe it felt like your heart was pounding in your chest and like your mind wouldn’t slow down. That’s because high levels of caffeine can mimic the effects of anxiety. That means caffeine and anxiety are a terrible combination for your mental state.

If you’re predisposed to high levels of anxiety, it’s best to avoid caffeine altogether. However, caffeine may be okay in moderation, such as a few cups of coffee in the morning each day. Just be sure you’re not drinking it too close to bedtime to avoid sleep difficulties.

Since there’s no “one size fits all” for treating anxiety, you may have to experiment with different coping strategies to see what works best for you. Ensure that the ways you try to calm your anxiety are healthy and don’t involve drugs and alcohol. Understand that pressure is complex, and it could take weeks or months to see significant results.


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5 Tips for Healthy Management of Painful and Fear-Based Emotions

8/2/2021

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By Chou Hallegra, MA, CFTP, CCFP, CGCS
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At some point in our lives, we all deal with painful and negative emotions. Whether those emotions are fear, anxiety, resentment, or other fear-based emotions, if we do not learn to manage those emotions properly, they can get the best of us and destroy us. 

Identify the Emotion

You cannot correctly address something you cannot first identify. It requires a level of self-awareness. It allows you to sit with your feelings, genuinely get to the root of what is going on. The act of identifying what is triggering the negative feelings eases the burden of trying to ignore or mask the sense while allowing room for what was determined to be addressed in the right way. The ultimate benefits of this can include reduced stress and anxiety (Partnership Staff, 2017).

Eliminate Triggers

Once you know what you’re feeling, you can begin to identify what causes you to feel that way. Determining actionable strides, you can take the situation or trigger causing that particular emotion to remove or reduce the impacts of those triggers. 

Or you can take steps to help you learn how to manage those triggers so they no longer produce the intense negative pain or fear-based emotion moving forward (Brown, 2019). 

Redirect

Redirecting the negative emotions you feel into positive activities can be a healthy way to release those negative emotions. Redirection is about channeling negative emotions and energy into an action that allows for emotional release without causing harm. Activities can include physical activity, breathing, journaling, or meditation, among others. Each of these outlets provides an opportunity to help you feel less overwhelmed, thus reducing stress, tension, and anxiety (Scott, 2020). 

Seek Support

Getting help from outside sources can be one of the best ways to get help with painful and fear-based emotions. Whether that support is in the form of friends and family or a licensed professional, sometimes having an additional person to talk things through with can help bring relief mentally and emotionally. 

Others can offer advice, tools, resources, and even just a listening ear to help you process what you’re feeling and develop healthy coping strategies to manage those negative emotions you feel (Scott, 2020). 

Gratitude

Being thankful is a strategy that can act as a grounding force when faced with painful and fear-based emotions. Gratitude first draws us into the present moment by taking our focus off of the negative stimuli and causing us to find those good things that exist presently in our lives right now. 

Then it replaces the negativity with positivity by causing us to deviate from the negative emotions towards the happiness and joy connected with gratitude in creating. Taking a few moments to either write down all that you are grateful for or even simply think about them helps counter these negative emotions. 

We do not have to live indefinitely with painful and fear-based emotions. We can take action to help ourselves overcome negative feelings and thrive in our lives. Whether you adopt one of these strategies or several, these are great ways first to understand how you feel; address the cause of what you’re feeling. Develop coping strategies for situations where you find yourself encountering these negative emotions at any point in the future. 

References:
Brown, L. (2019, October 22). How to deal with negative emotions: 10 things you need to remember. Hack Spirit. https://hackspirit.com/negative-emotions/

Partnership Staff. (2017, May 28). Coping with fear, anger, and other negative emotions. Partnership to End Addiction | Where Families Find Answers. https://drugfree.org/article/coping-fear-anger/#

Scott, E. (2020). How to deal with negative emotions and stress. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-should-i-deal-with-negative-emotions-3144603

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4 Key Ways To Positively Address Financial Worries And Concerns

6/28/2021

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By Chou Hallegra, MA, CFTP, CCFP, CGCS
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Have you ever had trouble sleeping because you were worried about your finances? Have you ever avoided checking your bank account balance because you’re afraid to look? You’re not alone. In their latest Stress in America survey, the American Psychological Association found 72 percent of Americans reported feeling stressed about money during the previous month.

Adding to our usual money worries is the economic fallout of a global pandemic. A lot of people lost their jobs, and it shut down many businesses. This global pandemic left many Americans wondering how to cope with the resulting financial worries and concerns.

How NOT to Cope

Most people cope with financial worries by avoiding them altogether. Although this might seem like the easiest way to deal with the situation, it’s unhealthy for your mind and wallet. Not addressing your financial concerns can lead to increased debt and worse anxiety than you had before. 

Here are some of the negative results of dealing with our anxiety the WRONG way: 

  • Relationship issues
  • Insomnia
  • Weight gain
  • Withdrawing socially
  • Coping in unhealthy ways (like overeating, drinking too much, and even drug abuse)

Tackling your financial problems may seem overwhelming, but it’s well worth the effort! Here are four simple things you can do to get started today.

Talk it out 

Most people don’t like talking about money. But talking openly to a supportive friend can lessen your stress and help you gain perspective. They might even have some helpful ideas. Talking to a financial planner can boost those benefits even more. And a quick google search can show you some of the organizations in your area that offer free help from professional financial advisors.

Make a Plan

Creating a realistic budget is not something the high school has taught most of us. And confusing financial terms like equity, escrow, deprecation, bonds, and AGI can make us feel out of our depth. But making a financial plan doesn’t have to be complicated. All you need is a piece of paper and a calculator. Here’s how to get started.

  • What are my financial goals? (Are you planning for retirement? Are you just trying to make ends meet? Or are you trying to pay off some debt?)
  • How much money is coming in, and how much money is going out? List all of your income and expenses.
  • Match your goals to your spending. If your income is less than your expenses, try to reduce the amount of money you spend on less important things to you.

Tackle Debt

Tackling your debt can seem overwhelming, especially if you owe on multiple accounts. But here’s a 3-step plan that can help!

     1. Pay the minimum payment on all of your accounts so that they remain in good standing.

     2. Use any extra money you have to pay off the account with the highest interest rate.

     3. After paying the first debt, focus on the next highest interest rate plan. Keep doing this until you have fully paid all your accounts.

If it still seems like too much for you to handle on your own, don’t despair. Free financial planning services can be just what you need to get a plan in place to tackle your debt.

Stay Positive and Realistic

It’s easy to spiral into negative thinking, worried that your debt is insurmountable or that you can never pay it off. But that kind of thinking will only make it harder to take the proper steps towards financial freedom. It might be challenging, but it’s not impossible. Imagine how you’ll feel each time you see your debt shrinking due to your hard work! Your financial anxiety will lessen with each small victory. You can do this!

That said, don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up once in a while. Make sure your goals are reasonable and not too extreme for your circumstances. It will keep you balanced if you have any setbacks.

Even in the wake of a global pandemic, there are several healthy ways to address financial worries and concerns. You can lessen your financial stress by talking it out, making a plan, tackling your debt, and having a positive and realistic viewpoint. So, if you’re stressed about your finances, manage your money the RIGHT way. You’ll be happier, healthier, and your wallet will thank you.

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Finding Professional Help To Protect Your Mental And Emotional Health

5/24/2021

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By Chou Hallegra, MA, CFTP, CCFP, CGCS
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When as a society, we think of health, we typically think of physical aspects. We think of losing weight, gaining muscle, and looking athletic. What most of us fail to remember is that our mental health is just as important as our physical health. 

Mental health disorders are "real," but often treatable. Mental health issues can be either minor and short-term or life-long. Some others are more severe and require help from a professional. 

Today, amid a pandemic, political and civil turmoil, the mental health of millions of people is at risk.

According to Mental Health America, "as the number of cases of COVID-19 increases, so does the associated anxiety. For the general public, the mental health effects of COVID-19 are as essential to address as are the physical health effects. And for the one in five who already have mental health conditions – or the one in two who are at risk of developing them – we need to take personal, professional, and policy measures now to address them."

If you need the help of a mental health professional, here are some tips to follow. 

Where To Find Help?

One of the best places to start would be your family physician, who can refer you to a specialist. Which type of specialist you go for help will depend on the nature of the problem and symptoms. Your family physician can do an assessment and determine where to refer you. A local health department, mental health facility, or a crisis center are also other available options. 

Try getting a few contact names, so you can research about more than one facility before choosing a provider. Also, if you have health insurance, they may provide a list of mental health providers who are covered in your plan. Your local health department or community mental health center, however, may provide free or low-cost care.

Support Groups

One supplemental program is peer support groups. They can serve as an essential addition to the help you receive from professional mental health providers. 

Support groups can be a valuable resource, for sure. A layperson usually leads these groups. They are designed to bring individuals together- those who have similar mental health or substance abuse illnesses. Other organized types of support groups are drop-in centers, warmlines, and training courses in mental health wellness and recovery.


Types of Mental Health Professional 
  • A psychiatrist is a medical doctor trained in the diagnosis and treatment of mental and emotional illnesses. One distinction is that they can prescribe medication.
  • A psychologist is a professional with a doctoral degree in psychology and is trained to diagnose and provide various therapies. In some states, psychologists are also able to prescribe.
  • A clinical Social Worker is a counselor with a degree in social work. They are trained to diagnose mental conditions and provide many types of counseling.
  • Licensed Professional Counselor is a counselor with a master's degree in psychology and counseling. They are trained to diagnose and provide counseling.
  • A pastoral Counselor is a member of the clergy with training in clinical religious education. They are also trained to diagnose and provide counseling.

How to Choose the Right Mental Health Professional?

Talk with the professional on the phone. Ask questions about their approach, philosophy, specialty, or concentration. Once you have selected and feel comfortable with a specific counselor or doctor, the next step is to schedule an office visit. 

Your first visit will involve talking with the therapist or doctor to allow them to get to know you and your circumstances for a visit. They will ask you what you think the problem is. They will ask about your life, job, living arrangements, family, and friends. Even though you may feel this information is personal, it will help the professional assess your situation and develop a treatment plan. 
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As you start working through your treatment plan, you should begin to feel improvement. You should feel you trust your therapist and feel better about whatever circumstances you are there to face. 

It would help if you start to be more comfortable in your relationships because your treatment plan may be painful and uncomfortable at times. The more you actively participate in the treatment plans, the better you will be able to cope with your feelings more effectively. 



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Anxiety and the Upcoming School Year

7/29/2020

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By Holly Miller
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            As a rule, when I am on Summer Break, I put up personal barriers so I can relax. I do not allow myself to dwell on the past school year or worry about the upcoming one. The 2020-2021 school year, however, causes more anxiety than usual. “Are we going back to in-person instruction? How will social distancing work? Are we really expected to enforce mask wearing for students of all ages? If we go to a hybrid schedule, how will I have time to teach in person and online all in one day? Students are going to be eating lunch in my room?! How do I space 30 desks 6 feet apart in a 20 by 20 room?”  All of these thoughts and more started seeping into my relaxation time once summer break began. I threw up my barriers again because, as a teacher, I have no say in what this upcoming school year will be like, so why stress about it? I do want to write this month’s blog to frame this upcoming school year in hopes of insight and easing some worry.
 
            If you are a parent of a student, I know you have so many questions. I know there was so much that you would like to see improved upon if we are doing online education again. I realize what a hard choice it will be to send a student to school or continue distance education if you are given that option. But here is the number one thing you can do to help your student. Have a positive attitude. Children are VERY perceptive. They can instantly pick up on how you are reacting to hard news. When schools closed in the Spring, did you huff and puff and complain? Then I guarantee your children did the same. If you tried to give it your best effort and tackle what you could with what you had, I bet your children were willing to at least TRY to follow your example.
 
 So no matter what is decided for the upcoming school year, realize those decisions are pretty much out of parents’, students’, and teachers’ hands. What we CAN control is how we react to these tough decisions. We can change our attitudes to meet challenges head-on. Will this upcoming school year be all rainbows and smiles? Probably not. Be willing to roll with the punches, expect the unexpected, and be ready to adapt to multiple changes. Children learn by example, so we must lead by example. I’m not saying we can’t be sad or disappointed if things don’t go how we would want, but we have to meet this school year with a ‘can-do’ attitude and I know it will go much better than those who find something to complain about at every twist and turn. If I hear the word ‘unprecedented’ one more time, I might scream, however, these times are truly unlike anything we’ve ever experienced. I NEVER would have imagined my school year would have ended the way it did. We all must realize that while we are all in the same storm, we may not be all in the same boat. So have a great summer break, do things that make you and your family happy, and be ready to return to school rested and ready to rise to the challenges we will be facing. We can do this if we BELIEVE we can do this! 

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Meet Holly...

While Holly Miller has eclectic passions, interests, and hobbies, she is easily summed up as a high school mathematics teacher who found a way to thrive despite her anxiety and depression. Her goal is to spread awareness about mental health, inspire those who struggle to see that they are not alone and show them that they can find light in even the darkest of places. She enjoys spending time with her husband Luke, their two dogs, two cats, and Russian tortoise. While she may not have many impressive credentials, Holly believes there is magic in the ordinary every day and that a simple life is a good life. ​Holly can be reached hollymiller1886@gmail.com ​Write something about yourself. 

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​STRONG WOMEN HAVE THEIR BREAKING POINTS

7/8/2020

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By Cherie Faus Smith
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I have always considered myself a strong woman.  After all, I’ve survived three abusive relationships involving intimate partners, am a melanoma cancer survivor, and clawed myself out of the trenches of depression and anxiety that left me with dirty fingernails.

Do I feel sorry for myself?  NO! 

Why don’t I?  Because I have a strong woman in my life who has shown me what it takes to be a survivor, I call her mom.
 
Looking back on my childhood, I realize that my strength came from watching her persevere.

  • At 19, she lost both of her parents, who died within six months of each other, leaving her an orphan.
  • Battling depression and anxiety herself, she did her absolute best to juggle being a wife and mother, all while hiding that from us so our family wouldn’t worry.   
  • My parents filed for bankruptcy, and we moved from our beautiful home that my dad had designed and into a rental property. 
  • Up until that point, she was a stay-at-home-mom and took pride in taking care of her family.  She had to find a full-time job to help with the bills and began working for her uncle.
 
As a teenager, it was a tough transition.  I left my friends and moved to a neighborhood full of strangers. 
 
My brother and I made the best of it even though we found trouble or trouble found us (shh…that’s a secret).   
 
There is a saying that my parents often repeated, "If things aren't going your way, punt.  It's not the end of the world."  That has stuck with me my entire life because life isn’t always easy – there are lots of lessons to be learned along the way.
 
Thanks to her, I’ve grown into a strong and confident woman.  But what happens when that woman breaks? 

Recently, we said goodbye to our precious dog, Sadie.  It was unexpected, and she has left an enormous hole in our hearts.
 
When I found her, she was standing on the side of the road, eating pebbles.  I wasn't supposed to be on that road that day.  The path that I usually take was under construction, and there was a large orange detour sign.  I was annoyed knowing I was already late, but then I saw her - this beautiful creature with black fur, cream paws, and tan markings above her eyes.
 
I stopped and opened the van door.  She immediately hopped inside, walked to the front, and plopped herself on the passenger seat, looking at me as if to say, "Hey, let's go!  Floor it, lady."
 
We did everything we could to find her owner, but after a month of no luck, we made her part of our family. 
 
She instantly became my shadow and was by my side during my cancer diagnosis and recovery, depression, and anxiety bouts.  Most importantly, she was there day in and day out for the last nine years to provide constant companionship.  She was the best dog ever, and I miss her every day.
 
The day after we said goodbye, I sat on the sofa, bawling my eyes out while my body shook.  I was inconsolable, and even my husband couldn’t help.  I’m sure he felt extremely helpless, watching me fall apart.
 
I distinctly remember saying, "I'm breaking." 

She was going to be my riding partner once I bought that Jeep that I’ve had my eyes on for the past year. 
 
She was going to fill that void when our son moves into his place this fall. 
 
I had so many plans for the two of us.  Life isn't fair, and I wanted more time with her. 
 
I’m a fighter.
 
I'm a survivor.
 
I'm a tough cookie.
 
But even strong women break.
 


I have a passion for supporting women and created a Facebook Group called Sisterhood of Fabulous and Fearless Women.  Would love for you to join.

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Meet Cherie

Cherie Faus-Smith is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, & mentor focusing on women over 50. Her goal is to inspire women (like you!) to live life on their own terms.
 
She shares her experiences as a domestic abuse thriver, melanoma cancer survivor, and being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to inspire women to live life to the fullest, push their comfort zones, and be their absolute best.
 
Her mission is to empower women in their 50’s to discover their own unique purpose in life. She helps women get unstuck so they can get excited about their life again and feel more fulfilled than ever before.
 
Midlife is a stage of transitions and change can be scary. Cherie will guide, motivate, inspire, and support you in your new journey.
 
Find out more about Cherie by visiting her website.  Also, you can you can follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

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Benefits of a Growth Mindset for Kids

6/12/2020

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By Julia Morrissey
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Photo by Wayne Lee-Sing on Unsplash

Given the current situation, we can likely all see how critical it is to help prepare kids to face challenges. One way to help prepare kids is to encourage a growth mindset. This post discusses what it means to have a growth mindset, the advantages for a growth mindset, and some tips and tricks (including three printables) to help encourage a growth mindset in kids.

What Exactly is a Growth Mindset?
A growth mindset is a mentality where an individual believes that their intelligence and abilities can be developed. This is the opposite of a fixed mindset, where it is thought that you can’t really build on the abilities you are born with. With a growth mindset, kids often feel more encouraged to work hard and strive for personal and academic growth. Kids who believe that working hard is what makes them smarter, are more likely to be interested and engaged in learning.

What Are the Benefits of a Growth Mindset?
There are many benefits of having kids develop a growth mindset. Not only can this mindset help kids enjoy learning and school more, but it can also make them feel more motivated and confident. Additionally, a growth mindset can also help kids:

  • Learn more about their emotions 
  • Think and act more independently 
  • Become more productive
  • Feel stronger and more positive
  • Become more resilient and better able to cope with transitions
  • Understand that learning is a process
  • Recognize their strengths and develop self-worth
  • Learn to set goals and create a plan to achieve them
  • View challenges as opportunities
  • Reduce stress and anxiety

How to Encourage a Growth Mindset in Kids
The process of developing a growth mindset can be challenging, but there are a number of ways to help kids be successful. Always be sure to check in with kids to make sure you know how they are feeling about the process. The following are additional ways you can help encourage a growth mindset in kids:

  • Emphasize the benefits of being in a growth mindset
  • Encourage creative thinking
  • Put a positive spin on what might appear to be a failure
  • Set realistic goals and reasonable expectations
  • Explain how a growth mindset has benefited you
  • Encourage problem solving and them struggle a little bit
  • Create and stick to a practice schedule
  • Applaud effort and progress
  • Utilize tools, such as printables to assist with the process 

Utilizing Printables to Encourage a Growth Mindset
Using printables is a great way to make developing a growth mindset an enjoyable process. Below you can find three printables for helping encourage a growth mindset in kids. You can download them at the end of the post!
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  1. Emotion Grid Exercise: Help kids identify and understand their emotions.
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2. Goal Setting Worksheet: Assist kids with creating goals and developing plans for achieving them.
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3. Growth Mindset Conversation Cube: Help kids open up about how they are feeling.
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Download all of these printable activities (courtesy of Tommy John) below to start helping your kids develop a growth mindset.

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Meet Julia...

Julia Morrissey is a content creator who works to develop helpful guides and compelling stories. Her passion for creative writing has led her to cover unique topics ranging from business to lifestyle. She calls New York City home and enjoys spending time with her rescue dog, running in Central Park, and finding new vegan dining options around the city.mething about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

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In This Overwhelming World, I See You!

6/5/2020

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By Chou Hallegra

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​A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks and we are all impacted at one level or another. Dealing with the emotional (and other) toll of corona was hard enough and now the issues of social injustice, racism, and safety are front and center. Many have lost their lives in the past week and beyond. 

In the past few days, I have had many courageous conversations in diverse circles. I talked with my church small group on what the church can do to be the solution. I have also had friends who asked me what they could do to help. Emotions are high and so is helplessness.
And I understand both but I want to remind each of us that we need to have faith and hold on to hope. We also need to remember thatchange starts with each one of us. In order to change the world around us, we need to first change ourselves. 

Furthermore, I want to tell you personally that I see you. I see you wanting to do your best and feeling like it's not enough. I see you having so much to say and not sure if it's the "right" thing to say. I see you wanting to make a difference and not sure where to begin.

I see you being filled with anger, frustration, sadness, confusion and even despair at times. And I see you. I see you because I too, am dealing with similar emotions and I have been working hard at recentering myself. 

I see you and I want you to know that you are not alone in what you think and feel. 
I see you and I'm only a click away if you need a safe place to be heard.
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I see you and I want to hold space for you!

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What I Do When The World Overwhelms Me

6/1/2020

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By Chou Hallegra
The recent events have been affecting my emotions big time and I needed to center myself in prayer this morning, maybe you need this as well. If you would like to pray with us on a regular basis, join us at https://www.facebook.com/groups/PrayWithChou/
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My Vision And Will Always Be Limited

5/31/2020

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By Chou Hallegra
It's so easy to let life and everything happening around us, bring us down. But don't see the full picture and don't know the full story. Acknowledging that not only brings peace but also hope.
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Improve Mental Health with Self-Discovery

5/14/2020

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By Julia Morrissey
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In addition to the normal stressors in life, quarantine also has psychological impacts. This is why it is more important than ever to check in with ourselves. The pandemic has left many of us feeling isolated, less productive, and disconnected. Some people may also be experiencing new or increased feelings of anxiety or depression as well as patterns of negative thinking. Fortunately, there are a number of ways to strengthen and improve mental health. It is possible that some of us may even have more time now to spend practicing self-care. This extra time can also be an opportunity to seek out new self-care tools that work well for you. One practice that has been shown to be effective for improving mental health is self-discovery.

In addition to eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep, working to improve self-awareness is an important part of self-care. Practicing self-discovery by taking the time to answer specific questions honestly and without judgement can really help individuals gain a better understanding of themselves and cope better with stressful situations. This ultimately helps to reduce the mental and physical toll of stress on the body.

By practicing self-discovery we can improve our emotional intelligence, assess our strengths and weaknesses, improve communication, and make better decisions. This practice can also help us create action plans, which will allow us to solve problems and get closer to achieving our goals.

Depending on what you are looking to address in your life, there are specific questions you can ask yourself. These questions can help you find clarification, grow, and ultimately succeed. Below are some sample questions you can use when you are looking to learn more about yourself and your relationship with your family. At the end of this article you can also download printable personal and family self-discovery questions to start practicing now.

Questions like these can help you learn more about your relationship with yourself:
  1. What are three of my most cherished values?
  2. What is my purpose in life?
  3. What is my personality type?
  4. What scares me the most right now?
  5. Did I make time for myself this week?

Questions like the following can help you learn more about your relationship with your family: 
  1. Whom do I go to when I need advice?
  2. How am I feeling in my family life?
  3. What makes me happiest about my family?
  4. Are there certain family members who drain my energy?
  5. Do I listen to my family more than myself??

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Meet Julia...

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Julia Morrissey is a content creator for University of St. Augustine Health Sciences and she works to develop helpful guides and compelling stories. Her passion for creative writing has led her to cover unique topics ranging from business to lifestyle. She calls New York City home and enjoys spending time with her rescue dog, running in Central Park, and finding new vegan dining options around the city.

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5 Tips for Living with Your Returning College Student

2/16/2020

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By Cherie Faus-Smith
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​Saying goodbye to my son as he headed away to college was heartbreaking. I was losing my mini-me and I enjoyed spending time with him each and every day.  We’re so much alike and it was tough for me knowing that I wouldn’t see him walk down the stairs in the morning, say goodbye to him as he left for school, or hear about his stories at dinner.


My first few weeks with an empty nest were uneasy and lonely.  Preparing mentally for your child to leave the nest and start their journey at college can be filled with a lot of anxiety.  They are venturing out on their own and, if you’re like me, this mama bear worried about his safety. The experience was heightened because he is our only child, which left my husband and I to find our new normal.
We’ve all heard the stories of couples ending their marriages because they couldn’t find common interests after their children flew the coop.  Would we become a statistic? No! I was determined to pull myself (and us!) together. Instead, we worked on reconnecting with one another after he left for school. 
As we spent more time together, we developed sort-of informal couple goals. My husband and I changed our diet and I began cooking healthier foods.  We also began working out together and it felt good to be on the same page. Being able to go to bed when we wanted to without feeling guilty and watching our own TV shows without him complaining was amazing. 
When I was finally comfortable with the fact that my son was gone, winter break began, and he was on his way home.My husband and I were excited to have him home for six weeks even though we knew our relationship would resume its spot in the backseat. We didn’t prepare ourselves, though, for our son’s own sense of newfound independence. 

In the beginning, spending time with him was amazing but then we began butting heads. As a business owner who works from home and has daily deadlines, I found myself balancing client time and giving him attention as well. He loved coming into my office and chatting for HOURS. Even though I knew work needed to get done, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him he had to leave.  After a week or so, my patience grew thin and I began lashing out at him.  

Our uneven keel wasn’t only my son’s fault - we had both become accustomed to doing things our own way.After a few weeks of me raising my voice and him feeling left out, we had a heart-to-heart.  I hadn’t taken into account how he was feeling about the changes. Once I began to see things from his point of view, and he from mine, we were able to get back on track.

My 5 tips on surviving those college years:
  1. Recognize your child as an independent young adult.
    The rules you had before they left for college no longer apply to this new reality.  We can no longer police their curfews away at college and our children won’t want to live by them at home, either. Instead, we can create a respectful space by requesting they at least call to let us know when they will be home.  
  2. Accept that your child will find their own path.
    It’s not easy letting go.  As parents, we have this need to protect our children and guide them in the right direction.  I remember our son telling me, “You need to trust that I am able to make good choices.” That was a hard pill to swallow but he was right!    
  3. Understand that there will be an adjustment period.
    You’re not the only one trying to adjust to the new arrangement.  When our son came home during his first winter break, I assumed that life would be the same as it was before he left but I was WRONG!  He missed his friends and independence. I tried filling that gap, but he explained that as much as he loved being home with us, he missed the ability to hang out with whoever and whenever he wanted.  I get it - I was young once, too.
  4. Remember that neither of you are mind readers.
    Just because your child is home for a visit, that doesn’t mean you should assume they will know your expectations.  For example, if they brought their laundry home with them, make it clear that it is their responsibility to handle. If they need assistance on how to wash or dry their clothes, you’re happy to help but you want them to take care of it.
  5. Enjoy their visit.
    Don’t stress out too much because before you know it, they will be back at school and you’ll be missing them.

​Our son has graduated from college with his Bachelor of Science Degree and has moved home to pursue his master’s degree.  It’s been an adjustment all over again, but we have set boundaries and expectations on both sides of the playing field and we are enjoying our time together.

Because I have a passion for supporting women, I created a Facebook Group called Sisterhood of Fabulous and Fearless Women.  Would love for you to join.
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I would love to hear your tips on surviving those college years or even if your adult children have moved back home.  

Meet Cherie

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Cherie Faus-Smith is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, & transformational coach focusing on women over 50.  Her goal is to inspire women (like you!) to live life on their own terms. Cherie’s been a guest on Good Day PA and, most recently, was the keynote speaker at the YWCA's fashion show event to raise money for their Domestic Violence program. 
She shares her experiences with surviving domestic abuse and being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to inspire women to live life to the fullest, push their comfort zones, and thrive.

Find out more about Cherie on her website.  Also, you can follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

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The Greatest of These is Love

2/9/2020

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By Holly Miller
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Mrs. Miller, will you be here after school for a while?” In my third year of teaching, one of my tougher students poked her head into my classroom at dismissal.  “Yes Maria, what can I do for you?” I said smiling, hiding my own hesitation. Maria and I had a rocky start to the school year. She was defiant, cut class, and often didn’t have her work done. But I tried my best to give her a clean slate every day and be as patient as possible. She asked if she could get some help on the assignment we were working on in class earlier that day and I was pleased to see her actually putting in some effort so I happily obliged. She actually didn’t need a whole lot of help and it seemed like she just needed a place to work and have someone hold her accountable. Maria started coming by after school once a week for extra math help. After a while, she asked if she could come work on any work in my classroom, even if it wasn’t for my class. I had plenty of grading and lesson planning to do, so she came by a few times every week after school and we often chatted and worked, each accomplishing what we needed to do.
 
After these impromptu work sessions became the norm for us, Maria started to try in class, had her work done, dropped her ‘tough girl’ exterior with me, and stopping missing class. One afternoon, she shared with me that she couldn’t get work done at home. Her mom worked late hours and she was responsible for picking up her younger siblings, making dinner, and ensuring they did their homework. She couldn’t complete homework unless she found a quiet place to work directly after school for the one hour she had to wait for the elementary school to dismiss. After she completed her work in my room, she would walk to the elementary school and basically start a ‘second shift’ taking care of her siblings. Maria shared with me that she felt like no one really cared about her success and well-being and she was too busy helping with her family to worry about herself. But coming to my class after school focused her one hour into time to complete school work and decompress from her day. I saw Maria go from almost failing to an exemplary student.  She went from being angry, combative, and evasive to focused, goal-oriented, and even polite. While I heard the old adage “students don't care how much you know until they know how much you care”, Maria was my first encounter with how much truth there is in that saying. I tried my best to give her a place where she felt safe, supported, and loved.
 
            I am a firm believer in the words of Rita Pierson, “Every child needs a champion.” If you have never heard her TED Talk, do yourself a favor and watch it here:  https://www.ted.com/talks/rita_pierson_every_kid_needs_a_champion?language=en
While I haven’t put in the 40 years into education that Rita has, I can affirm that in my 12 years in education and 4 years previous to that in early childhood education, this is true. I have seen first-hand students who are loved, supported, and have safe environments succeed while others who don’t have consistent support, have hard home lives, or simply feel like no one is looking out for them fail. The number one reason students succeed is love. Behind every successful student is at least one person who told them they could do it; one person who consistently was there for them. I have had the pleasure of being one of those people to many students, but I have also lost sleep and cried over students who I couldn’t reach. While I can’t be a champion for every child, I wake up every day trying to do so for as many as possible.
 
            We all have young people in our lives. Our own children, nieces, nephews, friends’ children, or little ones at church or in our community. It is imperative that children know they are seen, that they are important to someone, that they are loved. You can be a champion for any child. There are studies done on non-parent mentors and the positive effects on children. (There is an excellent article about it in Psychology Today, found here:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moment-youth/201301/mentoring-youth-matters). As adults, whether you are formally responsible for children or not, we need to be there for the children in our lives and cheer them on. Have conversations. Check in with them. Get to know them. Ask what made them smile today. Ask what their favorite class is this school year. Ask who they sit with at lunch. Find out what makes them laugh. Do anything you can to show that you care. So many students slip through the cracks. I have mourned the suicides of too many of my students. I have felt the blow of students dropping out of school or being arrested and sent to alternative education. Raising successful young people is not a one-person job. All adults need to step up and champion children in their lives. Eventually, if there are enough people who do not give up on them, students will realize someone believes in them. There will be at least one person they can connect with and be inspired by. While many things go into student success, the greatest of these is love. 


About Holly

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While Holly Miller has eclectic passions, interests, and hobbies, she is easily summed up as a high school mathematics teacher who found a way to thrive despite her anxiety and depression. Her goal is to spread awareness about mental health, inspire those who struggle to see that they are not alone and show them that they can find light in even the darkest of places. She enjoys spending time with her husband Luke, their two dogs, two cats, and Russian tortoise. While she may not have many impressive credentials, Holly believes there is magic in the ordinary every day and that a simple life is a good life. 
​Holly can be reached hollymiller1886@gmail.com ​

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Fun With The Family

9/2/2019

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A couple days ago, my daughter and I did a Facebook Live and talked about many of the things that our family does for fun. We also discussed why it's important to be intentional about building and cultivating relationships within the family.

What does your family do for fun?
​How do you cultivate relationships within your family?"
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4 Simple Ways to Have a Better Work-Life Balance

9/1/2019

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There’s a growing number of people struggling with their work-life balance. A large percentage of American workers feel their job demands that they should be available 24/7 since they can check in from anywhere using their smartphone. This constant availability takes a toll on both a person’s mental and physical health. Humans need to socialize, relax, and care for themselves to stay happy and healthy.

Here are four simple ways to improve your work-life balance:


Unplug

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It’s easier said than done, but avoid checking your phone for work matters after hours. This constant checking may have become a habit you wish you’d never started, and if you are honest, practically all work-related matters can wait until the next day. It’s key to unplug from work when you get home each evening and on the weekends. Let your coworkers know you won’t be returning emails, calls, or texts regarding work after hours so that they can prepare for this change. 

Work Smarter

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If you can’t seem to get all of your work done within your working hours, you aren’t alone. An alarming number of Americans work more than 50 hours a week, every week. Before you go to your request a reduction in your workload, take a careful look at how you are spending your time. Track it for a few days and see what’s causing you to stay late each night and come in early each morning. You will be surprised by the ways you can change or eliminate distractions and other time-wasters.

Take A Stay-Cation

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Another vital way to establish a healthy work-life balance is to make use of all of your vacation days. A large number of US workers lose essential time with their family or with themselves because they don’t take all of their vacation days, or in worst cases, don’t have any vacation days at all. If you feel uncomfortable about using all your allotted holidays in one long vacation, schedule the occasional day off here and there to enjoy “stay-cations.”  Breaking it up like this will give you the mental health days you need while ensuring you don’t come back to an overwhelming mountain of work.

Train Your People

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Many of us grew up hearing, “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.” Unfortunately, this gets ingrained to the point where we feel we can’t delegate any tasks lest they end up back in our laps in worse shape than before. If you have employees you manage or freelancers you outsource to, take the time to train them well. Make sure they know exactly how to do things.  Of course, this will take time upfront. But, once they understand your requirements, you’ll be able to hand off more work and give yourself some slack.
Feeling out of balance?
Schedule a FREE consultation at Calendly.com/chou
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Takeaways From #MHACon19 - Day 3

6/21/2019

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 ​We need to create a safe place for men to share their feelings and seek help for mental health when needed. Our physical health affects our mental health. We need to seek help for all of us, not just part of us. We need to do a better job at supporting caregivers. If you are a caregiver, we are here for you. Reach out to us today!

Here are the websites I mentioned:
graceandhopeconsulting.com/support-for-caregivers 
 TheDepressionFiles.com 
 aballsysenseoftumor.com
 Caregiveraction.org
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6 Key Benefits of Reinventing Yourself

1/10/2019

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6 Key Benefits of Reinventing Yourself

We often make our way to the idea of reinvention after experiencing frustration and discontentment with our lives.
Sometimes there’s a sense of longing to do something different, to find a new way to live and to be. This kind of reinvention evolves from the human need to grow and to change. Change comes about because there has to be more to human existence than simply existing and most people sense that over time.
Sometimes in the early stages of reinvention, we think about what benefits we might receive from building a new self.  Perhaps we just want to be free of a stale, confining and suffocating way of life, but that might not seem enough to us right then.
Other than liberating yourself from a life with no change and no growth, what other benefits does reinvention offer?
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  1. You learn to face fear—and survive! Fear is the first roadblock to personal change. It’s not that easy to change one’s self and life without giving up something you’ve already got. For example, leaving a job that you’re well-established in for a new career is terrifying. What if? becomes a constant companion in the early days. As you continue on in the process, you learn to face those fears. You learn how to go forward even if your plan is in constant development.


  2. Happiness goes up, frustration goes down. Reinvention brings us closer to who we want to be or what we want to do, usually both. Living closer to our authentic selves gets rid of all the frustration caused by dissonance. Life becomes a happier place. Better yet, you become a happier person when you reinvent yourself.


  3. Increased stress tolerance. Deliberately reinventing ourselves brings some stress, there’s no way around it. However, as we use new tools to help us on our way, we learn to diffuse and dissipate that stress. The more you reinvent yourself, the more stress you learn to face and the stronger you become at facing stress in your life.


  4. Clarity. You gain a clear understanding of what you want in life, from yourself and others. You also get a lot of practice with honesty. After all, you have to be honest with yourself about things you want to keep going forward—and what you want to  let go of.


  5. You get a bigger toolbox of coping and thriving skills. Reinvention is all about changing for the better. Getting there takes a lot of new skills. You’ll boost your coping techniques and your tolerance for uncertainty.
 
  1. 6.You learn how to reinvent yourself. This benefit might seem obvious, but once going through the process of self-transformation for the first time, all future transformations become less scary. With fear removed, it’s easier to explore new options in life.

Of course, a huge benefit is a more authentic  and fulfilling life. After all, that’s the first purpose of going through this transformation process. More importantly, you learn how to be adaptable in the face of new challenges and that is a life skill that is useful in many ways.
You learn how to cope with new problems and new situations. Once you've been through one reinvention cycle, you’ll be ready to do it again when you feel the need.
You may never decide to reinvent yourself again, but that’s a matter of choice. You’ll know how to do it . That’s a life-changing benefit all on its own!
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How will you #ReinventYourself this year?

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5 Tips To Beat Holiday Stress

12/22/2018

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The holiday season is an opportunity to spend time with family and friends, to take some time off work, or even escape for a winter getaway. For all the joy and fun, though, so comes the stress.
The expectations of social events, gift shopping, and entertaining guests can become too much for even the most festive types. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association 8 out of 10 people expect to experience an increase in stress over the holiday season.
With stress comes a greater risk of anxiety and depression, and reports from the Mayo Clinic show that depression is frequently an unwelcome guest over the holidays. All is not lost however, there are many ways you can minimize your stress and anxiety to allow you to truly enjoy the season.
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1.Set A Budget
Shopping can be fun, but spending money isn’t always easy, and Americans spend almost a $1,000 every holiday season on gifts alone. You can minimize the damage by setting a budget and sticking to it.
A lot of the stress that we experience during the holidays is due to financial pressure and the Mayo Clinic suggests that setting a budget can be beneficial to your stress levels. Work out how much you can afford to spend on food and gifts, and stick to it.

2. Exercise
The American Heart Association wants you to stay active all the time, but it’s extremely important to keep that up during the holidays. Any activity or exercise you can fit in will help reduce your stress and elevate your mood. It’s going to stimulate endorphin production and trigger a positive feeling in your body.
You might be busy, but if you can find time to exercise for half an hour three times a week, you will feel better. You can go walking or jogging, swimming or biking, play sports, and find time for aerobics. Also, find an accountability partner. I’m working on this step so if you are too and want to link arms, send me an email at chou@graceandhopeconsulting.com and we can do this together.

3. Take It Easy
The American Psychological Association reminds us that we need to take time for ourselves. There are parties and gatherings and we are constantly surrounded by people. It’s great to be with the ones we love and laugh about the old days.
You shouldn’t miss all those great times, but what you should be careful of is setting unrealistic expectations. You can’t do everything, and it’s okay to take time out for yourself, even if it’s just 15 minutes. If you do a whole lot of hosting, make sure you delegate- whether you ask everyone to bring a different dish, or you rope in the family to take on certain tasks.  
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4. Stay Smart
The holiday season is a time of indulgence, but as the Mayo Clinic directs- it doesn’t mean you should abandon your healthy ways. There’s no need for a free for all that will just add to your stress.
Enjoy yourself, but try having healthy snacks before holiday gatherings so you don’t over snack while you’re out. Make sure that you’re getting plenty of sleep, as you are more likely to overindulge after a poor night’s sleep.
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5. Choose Your Battles
We all have someone in our circle that rubs us the wrong way. It’s only natural- not everyone can always get along. Allowing someone else to get under your skin, though, is only going to ruin your holiday and increase your stress level. Learn to pick your battles, and don’t take the bait.
The Mayo Clinic suggests that if you have a real problem with someone, set it aside and save it for another day. Even the calmest people can lose their cool during the holidays.

Bottom Line
Self-care is a conscious choice and this is even truer during times of more stress, such as the holiday season. Make sure to take the time and create a deliberate plan! Remember, the holidays are supposed to be a time of fun, family, and relaxation, don’t let stress interfere with this great time of year.
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For more tips on self-care and stress relief strategies, grab your copy of my book here: https://amzn.to/2V4r4Qp
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Addiction in the home: Grace & Hope for Caregivers

5/7/2017

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If you need hep finding resources in your community, please do not hesitate to contact me at chou@graceandhopeconsulting.com or 717-216-0230.
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