by Chou Hallegra, Certified Family Trauma Professional
A baby or toddler always trusts their parent, but as your child grows, they may not seem to trust your decisions and judgement anymore. It is a sad fact that some children seem to love their parents less as they get older. The best remedy for you, as the parent, is to lay new foundations for trust.
Let’s look at how you can build trust with a child of any age.
Children learn from their parents, so it makes sense to actually show your child what trust means, along with how to earn it. There is no point in getting mad at your young child when they won’t eat their broccoli, when you don’t eat it either. All this does is send the wrong message.
Next on your list is to ask yourself if you are really listening to what your child is trying to tell you. Do you interrupt them before they finish talking? Do you sympathize with their situation and show them that you understand and care? The minute your child knows that you listen and care, they will feel more comfortable when it comes to discussing more personal details with you.
Always be honest with your child. This will help you form a bond with them that will last a lifetime. If you are a single parent, tell them why and where their parent is. Don’t make up stories and half-truths. They will only come back to haunt you at some point. Take the time to explain things in a way that is appropriate to their age. You don’t want to scare them either.
Next, you should never break your promises to your child. This isn’t as always quite as easy as it sounds though. Life does get in the way and even the best laid plans need to be changed. When this happens, explain the reason why to them and then reschedule your time or activity together.
If you start promising to attend their school sports event and then don’t. Your child will eventually stop asking you to come. As you always break your promise.
Of course, you will need to discipline your child. These days, that could mean taking away their cell phone, not allowing them to play video games or chat online. When you take something away, or even if you threaten too, then it is vital that you follow through. Sticking to what you have said helps build trust with your child.
Parenting is not an easy job at all. The best way to build a good relationship between you and your child is to work hard at developing your child’s trust and respect.
By Chou Hallegra, Certified Family Trauma Professional
How much credence do you put into trust in your everyday dealings? For such a small word, trust is extremely powerful. It can build or break relationships that are beyond repair.
When it comes to your family, love and trust go hand in hand. All children love their parents from birth. The trust aspect isn’t always so easy to maintain. When your child’s trust is lost, their love begins to diminish as well.
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship not just with your child, but with your family, you need to know that they trust you. Think about the consequences this might have as they turn from children into adults. If they can’t trust their own parents, how can they trust and respect what the world has to offer them?
One thing you need to keep in mind is that a child’s understanding of the word “trust” may be different to yours. To instill trust in your child, you need to show them that they can trust you, no matter what.
Always talk with your children in an open manner. Don’t try to sneak around just to see what they are doing. Sneaky and suspicious parents are only going to raise sneaky and suspicious children.
Your young toddler is going to trust that you are there to pick them up when they fall, while learning to walk. They trust that you will feed them and change them. This means that even from such an early age, your child unconditionally loves and trust you, so why does this change?
Things change as your child grows because of the actions they see and hear around them. If you constantly break promises and don’t keep your word, your child will do the same. For example, if you told your child they can’t have a cookie because they didn’t pick up their toys. Then 10 minutes later, you relent. You have just shown your child that you don’t keep to your word. Repeating this pattern regularly will break the bond of trust.
Not lying to your children is another important factor. While sometimes it is necessary to cover up something small, for their own sake, telling outright lies is not going to help your relationship.
Always be an approachable parent. Don’t be the type that always gets mad over the smallest mishap. If you do, then your child won’t trust that they can confide in you or ask for your advice. If you constantly get mad, then your child just won’t bother you anymore.
Children learn from their parents, which is why it is vital that you always keep your word, are honest, calm, and understanding. This is the best approach for growing that bond of love and trust between you and your family.