GRACE AND HOPE CONSULTING
  • Home
  • ABOUT
    • Meet Our Founder !
    • Blog
  • INDIVIDUALS
    • Therapeutic Groups
    • Coaching
  • ORGANIZATIONS
    • Professional Development
    • Inclusion Support
    • Mental Health Consultations
  • Writing
    • Chou's Books
    • PUBLISHING

Blog: Tips & Tools for Human Flourishing

Free Consult

5 Tips for Living with Your Returning College Student

2/16/2020

1 Comment

 
By Cherie Faus-Smith
Picture

​Saying goodbye to my son as he headed away to college was heartbreaking. I was losing my mini-me and I enjoyed spending time with him each and every day.  We’re so much alike and it was tough for me knowing that I wouldn’t see him walk down the stairs in the morning, say goodbye to him as he left for school, or hear about his stories at dinner.


My first few weeks with an empty nest were uneasy and lonely.  Preparing mentally for your child to leave the nest and start their journey at college can be filled with a lot of anxiety.  They are venturing out on their own and, if you’re like me, this mama bear worried about his safety. The experience was heightened because he is our only child, which left my husband and I to find our new normal.
We’ve all heard the stories of couples ending their marriages because they couldn’t find common interests after their children flew the coop.  Would we become a statistic? No! I was determined to pull myself (and us!) together. Instead, we worked on reconnecting with one another after he left for school. 
As we spent more time together, we developed sort-of informal couple goals. My husband and I changed our diet and I began cooking healthier foods.  We also began working out together and it felt good to be on the same page. Being able to go to bed when we wanted to without feeling guilty and watching our own TV shows without him complaining was amazing. 
When I was finally comfortable with the fact that my son was gone, winter break began, and he was on his way home.My husband and I were excited to have him home for six weeks even though we knew our relationship would resume its spot in the backseat. We didn’t prepare ourselves, though, for our son’s own sense of newfound independence. 

In the beginning, spending time with him was amazing but then we began butting heads. As a business owner who works from home and has daily deadlines, I found myself balancing client time and giving him attention as well. He loved coming into my office and chatting for HOURS. Even though I knew work needed to get done, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him he had to leave.  After a week or so, my patience grew thin and I began lashing out at him.  

Our uneven keel wasn’t only my son’s fault - we had both become accustomed to doing things our own way.After a few weeks of me raising my voice and him feeling left out, we had a heart-to-heart.  I hadn’t taken into account how he was feeling about the changes. Once I began to see things from his point of view, and he from mine, we were able to get back on track.

My 5 tips on surviving those college years:
  1. Recognize your child as an independent young adult.
    The rules you had before they left for college no longer apply to this new reality.  We can no longer police their curfews away at college and our children won’t want to live by them at home, either. Instead, we can create a respectful space by requesting they at least call to let us know when they will be home.  
  2. Accept that your child will find their own path.
    It’s not easy letting go.  As parents, we have this need to protect our children and guide them in the right direction.  I remember our son telling me, “You need to trust that I am able to make good choices.” That was a hard pill to swallow but he was right!    
  3. Understand that there will be an adjustment period.
    You’re not the only one trying to adjust to the new arrangement.  When our son came home during his first winter break, I assumed that life would be the same as it was before he left but I was WRONG!  He missed his friends and independence. I tried filling that gap, but he explained that as much as he loved being home with us, he missed the ability to hang out with whoever and whenever he wanted.  I get it - I was young once, too.
  4. Remember that neither of you are mind readers.
    Just because your child is home for a visit, that doesn’t mean you should assume they will know your expectations.  For example, if they brought their laundry home with them, make it clear that it is their responsibility to handle. If they need assistance on how to wash or dry their clothes, you’re happy to help but you want them to take care of it.
  5. Enjoy their visit.
    Don’t stress out too much because before you know it, they will be back at school and you’ll be missing them.

​Our son has graduated from college with his Bachelor of Science Degree and has moved home to pursue his master’s degree.  It’s been an adjustment all over again, but we have set boundaries and expectations on both sides of the playing field and we are enjoying our time together.

Because I have a passion for supporting women, I created a Facebook Group called Sisterhood of Fabulous and Fearless Women.  Would love for you to join.
​

I would love to hear your tips on surviving those college years or even if your adult children have moved back home.  

Meet Cherie

Picture
Cherie Faus-Smith is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, & transformational coach focusing on women over 50.  Her goal is to inspire women (like you!) to live life on their own terms. Cherie’s been a guest on Good Day PA and, most recently, was the keynote speaker at the YWCA's fashion show event to raise money for their Domestic Violence program. 
She shares her experiences with surviving domestic abuse and being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to inspire women to live life to the fullest, push their comfort zones, and thrive.

Find out more about Cherie on her website.  Also, you can follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

1 Comment

The Greatest of These is Love

2/9/2020

0 Comments

 
By Holly Miller
Picture
Mrs. Miller, will you be here after school for a while?” In my third year of teaching, one of my tougher students poked her head into my classroom at dismissal.  “Yes Maria, what can I do for you?” I said smiling, hiding my own hesitation. Maria and I had a rocky start to the school year. She was defiant, cut class, and often didn’t have her work done. But I tried my best to give her a clean slate every day and be as patient as possible. She asked if she could get some help on the assignment we were working on in class earlier that day and I was pleased to see her actually putting in some effort so I happily obliged. She actually didn’t need a whole lot of help and it seemed like she just needed a place to work and have someone hold her accountable. Maria started coming by after school once a week for extra math help. After a while, she asked if she could come work on any work in my classroom, even if it wasn’t for my class. I had plenty of grading and lesson planning to do, so she came by a few times every week after school and we often chatted and worked, each accomplishing what we needed to do.
 
After these impromptu work sessions became the norm for us, Maria started to try in class, had her work done, dropped her ‘tough girl’ exterior with me, and stopping missing class. One afternoon, she shared with me that she couldn’t get work done at home. Her mom worked late hours and she was responsible for picking up her younger siblings, making dinner, and ensuring they did their homework. She couldn’t complete homework unless she found a quiet place to work directly after school for the one hour she had to wait for the elementary school to dismiss. After she completed her work in my room, she would walk to the elementary school and basically start a ‘second shift’ taking care of her siblings. Maria shared with me that she felt like no one really cared about her success and well-being and she was too busy helping with her family to worry about herself. But coming to my class after school focused her one hour into time to complete school work and decompress from her day. I saw Maria go from almost failing to an exemplary student.  She went from being angry, combative, and evasive to focused, goal-oriented, and even polite. While I heard the old adage “students don't care how much you know until they know how much you care”, Maria was my first encounter with how much truth there is in that saying. I tried my best to give her a place where she felt safe, supported, and loved.
 
            I am a firm believer in the words of Rita Pierson, “Every child needs a champion.” If you have never heard her TED Talk, do yourself a favor and watch it here:  https://www.ted.com/talks/rita_pierson_every_kid_needs_a_champion?language=en
While I haven’t put in the 40 years into education that Rita has, I can affirm that in my 12 years in education and 4 years previous to that in early childhood education, this is true. I have seen first-hand students who are loved, supported, and have safe environments succeed while others who don’t have consistent support, have hard home lives, or simply feel like no one is looking out for them fail. The number one reason students succeed is love. Behind every successful student is at least one person who told them they could do it; one person who consistently was there for them. I have had the pleasure of being one of those people to many students, but I have also lost sleep and cried over students who I couldn’t reach. While I can’t be a champion for every child, I wake up every day trying to do so for as many as possible.
 
            We all have young people in our lives. Our own children, nieces, nephews, friends’ children, or little ones at church or in our community. It is imperative that children know they are seen, that they are important to someone, that they are loved. You can be a champion for any child. There are studies done on non-parent mentors and the positive effects on children. (There is an excellent article about it in Psychology Today, found here:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moment-youth/201301/mentoring-youth-matters). As adults, whether you are formally responsible for children or not, we need to be there for the children in our lives and cheer them on. Have conversations. Check in with them. Get to know them. Ask what made them smile today. Ask what their favorite class is this school year. Ask who they sit with at lunch. Find out what makes them laugh. Do anything you can to show that you care. So many students slip through the cracks. I have mourned the suicides of too many of my students. I have felt the blow of students dropping out of school or being arrested and sent to alternative education. Raising successful young people is not a one-person job. All adults need to step up and champion children in their lives. Eventually, if there are enough people who do not give up on them, students will realize someone believes in them. There will be at least one person they can connect with and be inspired by. While many things go into student success, the greatest of these is love. 


About Holly

Picture
While Holly Miller has eclectic passions, interests, and hobbies, she is easily summed up as a high school mathematics teacher who found a way to thrive despite her anxiety and depression. Her goal is to spread awareness about mental health, inspire those who struggle to see that they are not alone and show them that they can find light in even the darkest of places. She enjoys spending time with her husband Luke, their two dogs, two cats, and Russian tortoise. While she may not have many impressive credentials, Holly believes there is magic in the ordinary every day and that a simple life is a good life. 
​Holly can be reached hollymiller1886@gmail.com ​

0 Comments

    Categories

    All
    ADD
    ADHD
    Anxiety
    Autism
    Behavior
    Children
    Chronic Conditions
    Community
    Counseling
    Counselling
    Counselor
    COVID
    Depression
    Disabilities
    Faith
    Family
    Fear
    Handwashing
    Health
    Life Coaching
    Mental Health
    Pandemic
    Parenting
    Personal Growth
    Person Centered
    Physical Health
    Professional Development
    Relationships
    Self Care
    Self-care
    Self Help
    Social Distancing
    Stress
    Stroke
    Suicide
    Talk Therapy
    Teens
    Trauma
    Women

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    February 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016

Pennsylvania
​

850 Walnut Bottom Road, Suite 2
Carlisle, PA 17013

TEL:  (1) 717-216-0230
​(also available on Whatsapp)


Picture
​CHOU@GRACEANDHOPECONSULTING.COM
MARYLAND
9711 Washingtonian Boulevard
Suite 550
Gaithersburg, MD 20878
Tel: (1) 240-720-7410
​
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
​COPYRIGHT 2016-2022
  • Home
  • ABOUT
    • Meet Our Founder !
    • Blog
  • INDIVIDUALS
    • Therapeutic Groups
    • Coaching
  • ORGANIZATIONS
    • Professional Development
    • Inclusion Support
    • Mental Health Consultations
  • Writing
    • Chou's Books
    • PUBLISHING