Happy Valentine’s day, friends!
Has cupid’s arrow hit you yet? Do you feel love in the air?
I don’t know about you but I find it sad that we wait for thanksgiving to be thankful and valentine’s day to be loving. I believe that these values should be expressed daily in order for our actions to have lasting impact in our relationships and lives. But let’s change gears a bit; shall we?
Today, I want to talk to the person who does not feel love in the air, the one who is not expecting roses and chocolate today…yes, I’m talking to you! You might not feel loved. You might feel as every relationship in your life ended up as a failure. Maybe, you even gave up on love. I’m not a relationship coach nor do I provide marriage counseling, but I know this one truth…
TRUE LOVE STARTS INWARD & UPWARD.
People cannot fill the deepest longings of our hearts; they just can’t, otherwise they won’t be human. Humans by definition are limited and fallible. You won’t feel loved until you start loving yourself. Maybe you don’t see anything in you that is lovable and that might just be the problem. You are not lovable based on something you do, you are lovable because you are a person created in love!
Let me explain. The simple fact that you are alive and breathing today is proof that someone loved you enough to allow you to be… Let that sit with you a bit…
Now, if you were created in love, then why is it so hard for you to feel loved? Perhaps, it’s because you have been evaluating yourself against your own standards instead of seeing yourself through grace.
Here are 3 questions to help you determine your love standards:
1.What makes you feel loved?
2.What helps you love others?
3.In which situation(s) do you feel the least lovable?
Answering these three questions can give you an idea of how you evaluate love. Once you have determined whether your love tank is fueled by performance or grace, then you might want to work on specific steps to help you love yourself as you are. I realize this takes lot of work and it would take more than one blog post to cover that but here is a principle to get you started:
It is easier to love ourselves when we realize that we are first loved
and that becomes a truth that we choose to live by.
Yes, it is a choice. Everything in life starts with a decision. We cannot wait on other people to love us if we cannot love ourselves. And even when we start loving ourselves, there will always be a person or two that we might think do not love us. So, stop waiting for the world to love you, you need to start loving yourself for the beautiful person that you are; beautiful in all your flaws and shortcomings.
Here’s how I define LOVE : Living Out Values Everyday.
What are your values? What do you believe in? What do you stand for? What are your non-negotiables in life? Those are the things that should guide your life and be the lenses through which you see yourself. If you value respect, then you start respecting yourself more and expecting respect from others. And that’s just one way of loving yourself. Same goes for honesty, diligence, perseverance, and others values that you might have.
We love ourselves by treating ourselves as the beautiful people we were created to be!
So on this valentine’s day and everyday, please love on yourself. Start by seeing yourself as all that you are meant to be. And because you are all that (I mean it in a very positive way), then treat yourself as such. If you are not expecting any roses or chocolate today, offer yourself some!
You deserve your time and attention!
Happy valentine’s day and remember, you are loved!
Living Out Values Everyday...
On 2/1/17, I spoke about Self-care during a Facebook empowerment summit for women (SUPER YOU:All Powered Up!) and I wanted to share some resources with everyone : the self-care worksheet and self-care wheel . I hope they help you become more proactive in taking care of yourself.
You can catch up on all 30 Super YOU speakers here.
During my presentation, I talked about how self-care being both a mindset and a lifestyle. We have to first change the way we think about ourselves in order to make self-care a way of life. The mindset that empowers self-care is the one that says "I am valuable for my time. I am deserving of my care".
If you find yourself struggling to believe such statements, then you would benefit from my next online workshop on The Power of Self-compassion.
Remember to take care of yourself (because YOU ARE WORTH IT!)
Chou is a best-selling Author, a Transformational Speaker, Certified Life Coach, Counselor and Consultant on a mission to inspire people to rise above their circumstances. She is passionate about helping others achieve emotional wellness, reach their full potential, and live fulfilling lives. You can contact Chou at firstname.lastname@example.org